Although the article was written about women in business, some of the same things could be said about mentoring in nursing. How many of the more seasoned nurses are resentful of younger nurses who come breezing into the unit with exceptional confidence and little of the fear that their predecessors felt, wanting to make change in everything? "Shouldn’t those youngsters have to pay their dues like I did?" The more seasoned nurses are also in a quandary when younger nurses seem to lack the professional commitment that they believe is so key to nursing. "When I was a new nurse, I worked extra every time I was asked—I never thought of saying no!" But the younger generation seems to be of a new genre of workers who work to live, not live to work.
Resentment may also originate in the lofty pay levels that new nurses "demand" upon entry—wages the other staff had to work decades to earn. This also creates a situation in which nurses with no experience and those with more than 10 years of experience are earning the same, thereby negating any pay differential for the senior nurses’ experience and expertise.
Seasoned nurses have experienced the technology revolution from bouncing ball oscilloscopes to sweep screen monitors, from defibrillator units as big as refrigerators to ones the size of a tea bag. Just because seasoned nurses have "been there, done that" does not mean that they know everything. Younger nurses have fresher, cutting-edge knowledge. As experienced nurses, are we afraid of newer, fresher knowledge? Do we talk more than listen to hide fear or lack of knowledge? If such an attitude exists, it most certainly fosters the mentor gap in nursing.
How can nursing overcome this mentor gap? First, drop the attitude. Paying dues and pining for the good old days simply does not cut it. Of course, seasoned nurses have an outstandingly valuable contribution to make and most certainly should be recognized for that contribution; but relying on different ways of thinking is not going to move the profession forward. It also does not serve us well with younger nurses who have new ideas and new ways of thinking. The experiential knowledge base on which seasoned nurse practices is invaluable; however, we can learn from novice nurses. For example, although seasoned nurses have grown up with some of the technology in health-care, computerization is something younger nurses are much better prepared for. How many of us rely on our children to help us with problems when the computer just won’t do what we want? Younger nurses have grown up with computers, and seasoned nurses would do well to use that knowledge.
A second way to overcome the mentor gap is to stop and listen, really listen, to our newer colleagues in nursing. Society may be well educated in many parts of the communication process, but the key process of listening is something that is sorely lacking in our schooling. Think of all the time spent on teaching a youngster to read and write; even speaking is covered in our educational system, but how about listening? We have never really been taught how to listen. It is often a skill that is taken for granted.
Active, respectful listening is critical to mentoring. The ability to become absorbed in what another person is saying and not interject your views, opinions, or suggestions defines active listening. It gives the mentee the opportunity to gain insight into a problem by putting it into words, sorting things out, maybe coming to a solution, and, most importantly, gaining emotional release and relief. Sometimes just talking about the problem is all that is needed. How many times have you experienced the therapeutic release of getting something off your chest? The old saying that we were given 2 ears to listen and 1 mouth to talk so that we should spend more time listening than talking is especially true in a mentoring relationship.
How can we improve our listening skills? Reducing barriers such as physical distractions, physical barriers (eg, desks and patient beds), and interruptions (eg, phones, pagers, patient lights) help set the stage for more effective listening. Another barrier is anticipation. Thinking about what you are going to say or anticipating what the other person is about to say prevents active listening. One way to see if anticipation is a barrier to your communication is to take the "edge of the chair test." In conversations with others, how much of the time is spent sitting on the edge of the chair, just waiting to jump in with the comment that has been brewing in your mind? If the greater percentage of time is spent sitting on the edge of the chair, then you are not actively listening and anticipation is a barrier to communication.
Maintaining good eye contact is essential to active listening. Poor eye contact, such as watching the monitor, looking around the room, and keeping eyes averted, is barrier to effective listening. An example is a nurse clearing monitor alarms and not really listening while the new nurse relates how the day went.
Listening not only to the words but also to the emotions or feelings that lie beneath the words is also a way to improve listening skills for mentors. Identifying feelings is often more powerful than identifying the facts. It is easy to make assumptions and react, but the only way to ensure that the interpretation is accurate is to verify it. Facts are the objective reality but feelings can help identify a problem, the size of that problem, and the level of importance of the problem as seen by the mentee. For example, asking, "What time is it?" reflects the need for information. The same question stated, "Heavens, what time is it?" indicates a need for action. Reacting to assumptions and not examining the feelings in a conversation may cause you to miss an important part of the message. The Table
shows some examples of statements, emotions or feelings, and possible actions by the mentor.
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Controlling your emotions is another skill for effective listening for mentors. If negative emotions are stirred by the mentee’s conversation, you will most likely tune out the remaining conversation and lose your ability to hear the message. Some "red flag" words that may precipitate emotional responses include "you should," "you must," "you are wrong," "you never."2 All these words can prompt negative emotions and if you are aware of them and how they make you feel, you can work on controlling those emotions and facilitate active listening.
In one mentoring relationship, the mentee accused the mentor of never helping to set up a hemodynamic monitoring system yet being critical when it was not done right. That comment ended the relationship because the mentor did not control the emotional response and reacted with hurt feelings.
Use probing and questioning in discussions with the mentee to demonstrate active listening. Occasional questions tell the mentee that you are interested in what he or she is saying as well as giving more information on the issue or concern. Avoid overdoing the questions and getting caught up in details because this can slow the conversation to a standstill. Also, ask open-ended questions that prompt discussion, rather than 1-word responses.3
Lastly, acknowledge and respond to the mentee by paraphrasing, checking perceptions, and summarizing. This follows one of Steven Covey’s4 principles: "seek first to understand, then to be understood." This provides clarification for both the mentor and mentee. Clarifying what has been communicated demonstrates active listening.
By improving our listening skills, we can reduce the mentor gap in nursing and retain new nurses, ensuring a brighter, better future for the profession.
References
- McDonald, M. The mentor gap. US News and World Report. November 2003.
- Shea G. How to Develop Successful Mentor Behaviors. Menlo Park, Calif: Crisp Publications; 2002.
- Robbins H. How to Speak and Listen Effectively. New York, NY: American Management Association; 1992.
- Covey S. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. New York, NY: Simon and Schuster; 1990.
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